Where has this year gone?

I'm taking a quick break while my custard cream dough sits in the fridge and I should be taking the opportunity to do the washing up but I'm blatantly not.

Jess turns one tomorrow, this time last year I was in my second day of labour and thinking that it was worse than the first day of labour but not realising that it was still a walk in the park compared to the third day when things really got going!

I've been mulling things over in my mind for the last few days about how amazing this year has been and how quickly Jess is changing and learning. The little things she used to do like sooth herself to sleep by sucking her middle fingers which suddenly stopped without me noticing; how, before she could crawl, she would lie on her front kicking her legs and pumping her arms with such energy and frustration. I can see everything with such clarity right back to when she was born and I first saw her face and heard the wonder in John's voice as he stood behind me, the sadness I felt as, with tears running down my face, I poured formula down her throat while she was wrapped in a sheet when we were readmitted to hospital after my milk failed to come in.

She's now crawling, pulling herself up to her feet and, I think, will soon be walking on her own. She eats amazingly well and only needs me to feed her about three times a day and I suspect that is mostly for comfort but I'm happy to continue as long as she wants. She is still being carried in her ever expanding sling collection and I have no plans to get her a buggy. Maybe this has now become a point of pride for me but whatever, it's my choice. I've had too many people tell me I won't be able to carry her for ever that I seem to have taken it as a challenge. Anyway, I couldn't imagine not having her that close when we're out and about.

We seem to be in full swing of a really annoying phase where anything and everything is emptied out or pulled off shelves; the nappy bucket, the laundry basket, the cat's litter tray and water and food bowls, cds, books, laundry hanging out to dry, the bin etc etc. You name it and she'll do her best to make a mess out of it. But I get such a kick out of watching her explore and work out what she's capable off.

She's completely fearless and will happily mooch off in the pub and attempt to get behind the bar. We have started going to a music group in Stoke Newington and on our first visit she slipped off my knee and crawled out to the front to get a closer look at the proceedings while bigger children ran around her. I am so proud of my little girl and really hope she keeps this up and isn't inflicted with the crippling shyness I had as a child.

So, my gorgeous girl, happy first birthday! I'll go and get back to making your birthday goodies now!